


Not Open For Suicidal Iron Man

by Ejostra



Category: Iron Man (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Comics), Thor (Movies)
Genre: An Avengers Tour, Asgard has cool taverns, Asgard!Tony, Asgardian Tony Stark, Avengers in Asgard, Battle of New York without Loki, Both Loki´s and Tony´s, Discovery, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecurity, Loki is not a villain, M/M, Meeting the royals, Secret Relationship, Sort of AU, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-11-04 08:56:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17895428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ejostra/pseuds/Ejostra
Summary: Maybe if you invite Tony Stark to the biggest and most sacred temple on Asgard, it would be nice to warn him that no one who once attempted to take his own life was allowed to enter. Maybe this kind of information could be passed privately, not when all the avengers were standing there in front of him, trying to understand why he couldn´t make a step forward.*Tony Stark has a secret relationship with one certain norse god, which can´t be discovered just yet. But what if Thor invited him and his team to spend some cool time on Asgard? Will him and Loki be able to hide their mutual fondness in front of so many eyes?*





	1. Temple of Life

Tony took a deep breath and pushed himself of the massive wall, spilling a little big of the mead from his cup on the marble floor while trying to regain his footing. He cursed when he automatically put a boot in the small puddle unable to walk around it in time. 

“Shit.”  
He didn´t remember the last time he was so out because of the booze, but he also didn´t remember any time when he could enjoy an evening in the Asgardian tavern with his team and one generous thunder god. As he kept on walking unsteadily through the empty halls Tony desperately tried to recall where he was heading.

The two guards in the full armor and not so friendly expression then walked out of the shadows and took a stand in front of him, clearly unhappy to deal with him in this ungodly hour. Jesus, he could already hear Rogers scolding him first thing tomorrow morning.

“Hey, what´s up?” he tried his best to sound as sober as possible. “Everything alright, pals, just trying to find my room.” Tony could exactly pick out the moment when the realization hit them and they both scanned him quickly, slightly bowing with an apology.  
“We didn´t recognize you, sir. Guest rooms are in the opposite direction. This is an enclosed wing for a royal family only.”  
“Oh, I see,” Tony hummed suddenly remembering why he was on the wrong way and cursing inwardly for not paying more attention to his surroundings. It looked like this was maybe the end of his little adventure.  
“Okay, boys. You sure I can´t just walk through here and end up where I want to end up?”

The guards looked disappointed that they couldn´t give him a positive answer and that was kinda the sweetest thing he experienced in a week. Tony was about to acknowledge his defeat when another voice joined them from the darkness and a tall slim figure appeared behind the guards’ backs.  
“Mr. Stark,” the prince took some time to look him over, frowning. “I believe you lost your way.” Something in those green eyes lit and disappeared again in the second. Loki turned then on the duo not waiting for Tony´s reply. “Thank you, I will accompany Mr. Stark to his destination.”

The guards stepped aside so Tony could walk straight to Loki, they quickly vanished into the dark corners and the engineer looked up at the trickster god, smirking.  
“What do you do up so late, Mr. Odinson? Waiting for the lost wanderers?”

He joined him in the slow pace, finishing the mead in his cup in one gulp before he sat his eyes on the shadows playing on Loki´s face. He swallowed once more.  
“You could say so. Are we little intoxicated? My brother perhaps showed you his favorite tavern.”  
Loki wasn´t angry, merely amused and Tony liked the smile on him.  
“Maybe I was just upset that someone didn´t show up to say hello when I arrived today leaving me on the mercy of the said brother and his companions… and my companions… which only makes it so much worse.”

He didn´t pay much attention to the floor under his feet while speaking and when he embarrassedly tripped over his own feet and the cup fell of his hands with a loud BUM echoing trough the endless corridors, he was glad that Loki at least caught him and prevented Tony from meeting the cup on the ground. An idiotic drunken giggle escaped his mouth and Loki hushed him with a smile and a finger on his lips.  
“Shhh on you, Loki. And shame… yes, shame on you. Look what a mess you did.”  
“Me?” The trickster looked even more amused if that was possible and he let one of his hands settle on Tony´s hips, steadying him.  
“Yes, you. It´s your fault. You should have already fucked me at least twice against your fancy bed by this time. And look where we are…”  
Tony found Loki´s eyes. A chill run down his spine from what he saw there.  
“I will gladly correct my mistake, Anthony, but you must keep quiet. We wouldn´t like my parents who happen to have the room just over this corner to overhear on what I´m going to do to you.”  
Tony nodded happily. 

He conjured a one perfect sheepish smile when Loki took his hand perhaps more because of the safety measures than romantic intentions and he followed him to his room. The second the door closed behind them he tugged at the god´s fingers making him turn and take a step towards Tony right to meet his mouth in a one messy kiss full of teeth and sounds of longing. It´s been too long since their last time together.

Tony let Loki drag him over the bed. He sat in the god´s lap, embracing him with his tights while trying to figure out the way to get his clothes off.  
“Why the fuck do you wear this when you know I´m going to have such a hard time pulling it off you?”  
Loki didn´t look like he was affected by Tony´s pretended grumpiness. He kept brushing Tony´s hair away from his eyes each time he abruptly moved and caused them to fall back in.  
“Those clothes are no different from what I usually wear.”  
“That´s a big fat lie. You´re wearing at least twice as much layers.”  
“No, dear,” Loki stated gently, grabbing Tony´s erratic hands in his, stopping his progress. “You just see things in more numbers than usual.”

Tony let out a half-frustrated, half-loving sound, when Loki kissed both his hands and left them fall next to Tony´s body. He knew that he fucked up in that moment.  
“Too drunk?” he asked with what he hoped were puppy eyes. There was nothing more he wanted than to feel Loki inside him.  
The god just smiled and Tony immediately knew he was doomed, because there was no way he would go against anything Loki would ask of him.  
“Too tired, Anthony,” Loki corrected him, “don´t you think I have no idea what you have been up to on Midgard. When was the last time you slept properly?”

The truth was he didn´t remember, so instead of answering he pressed his nose against the warmth of Loki´s neck, hugging his god like an octopus leaving him no other choice than to throw them both down on their backs, rolling from side to side until they appeared in the middle of the bed. Tony didn´t help with the movement in slightest and he was proud of that.

“I´m sorry,” he whispered against Loki´s skin, feeling how the blanket landed on the lower part of his body.  
“No need to apologize.” Loki ran his hand into Tony´s hair, playing with the curls, making Tony completely relax in few seconds time. “Just as you said it was my fault. I needed to attend some pressing matters, but you have my full attention now.”  
“Lovely,” Tony hummed mockingly, his eyes already closed and threatening not to open again anytime soon.  
“No worries, I will wake you up tomorrow so you can return to your room unnoticed. You can sleep.”  
And with that sentence Tony felt his mind going blank, just like someone switched him off. The last thing he heard was Loki´s tender laugh and his lips on his forehead, which was very nice.

When he woke up next morning, he really regretted he ever tried that stupid mead in the first place. His head throbbed and his stomach was giving him hell and Loki looked like he might leave him to suffer a bit to teach him a lesson about alcohol consumption. But that attitude last only until he ran to the bathroom and emptied his stomach to something what looked like a toilet – and please god, let it be a toilet – after that disturbing episode, Loki gave him something to drink and he instantly felt much better. Even thinking about grabbing something to eat on his way from Loki´s room.

The sun seemed to by about to rise from the horizon and Tony thought about how much time they got, when Loki reading his thoughts easily, shook his head.  
“You must leave now if you want to move unnoticed.”

Tony groaned into the sheets, blindly reaching for Loki until he found his face. He let his hand rest there for a moment.  
“I want to stay here with you all day.”  
“Believe me, there is nothing I wish more, Anthony,” Loki admitted himself, pulling Tony to his lips. “But we will meet in few hours on the tour Thor prepared for you and then again on the evening´s feast and then…” he caressed Tony´s cheek gently, his eyes shining with mischief, “then back in my room. Hopefully with a little less of alcohol involvement.”

Tony laughed, it was the sound full of guilt and excitement.  
“Okay, I can work with that. Just don´t give me those looks while walking next to your brother or I might not hold myself.”  
“What looks?” Loki teased and he mapped Tony´s body with his hungry eyes like he was a perfect breakfast waiting for a bite.  
“Exactly those looks.” He literally had to close his eyes and then make them look elsewhere to get up from the bed and walk out of the door.

Tony was glad Loki put a spell on him so he could move around the corridors without the fear of being discovered. He crashed on the bed back in his chamber for few more minutes, his stomach making terrible noises until he gathered up and went to join others for the meal. It seemed like no one noticed he wasn´t sleeping in his room. Thor only let him know how much he had missed after he´d left, but that didn´t worry him at all.

OOO

The promised tour started soon after breakfast. Some folks looked even worse than him and that made him feel a little bit better. Like Clint for example. He kept leaning towards Natasha and whispering something to her ear and Tony couldn´t misplace the sudden closeness between those two. Maybe he wasn´t the only one who hadn´t slept in his own room yesterday. He only wandered how much fun there was with Clint when he now looked like a walking corpse. Tony distantly remembered him drinking more than Tony had.

“Friends, we will now visit the main street so you could witness and ordinary life here in Asgard. After that we will look in the weaponsmith´s houses – that is for you, Tony, and after that we will visit the sacred temple. You are free to wander on your own as we finish.” Thor smiled before he continued. “And I will meet my Jane in the late afternoon.”

Someone whistled, probably Clint.  
Tony smirked as well, clapping Thor on his shoulder. “So how is this going to be tonight? Is it the first official meeting with the court?”  
Thor´s face darkened a bit and a silent worry settled on his features. “Jane has already met my family on few occasions, but as you just said, this is going to be the first official introduction of her as my partner. I am very nervous. I believe more than her…”

Tony recalled the one night when he asked Loki about this introduction – after all they knew Thor was about to do that for moths. Loki just looked at him with a serious face and Tony´s smile wavered. “They don´t have to accept her, but they will. Because we all stand behind him. Asgard is not the same place as it used to be. There will come innovations with a new king.” Tony liked the answer, but it still left something unsettling in his mind. Will Loki have to marry one day? Someone from Asgard? Can they force him?

He never asked any of those questions aloud, but they were eating at him each time he was reminded about Jane. He let the thoughts go as the trickster suddenly emerged from the corner and joined them. He greeted Thor and others with a nod, sending a wink in Tony´s direction to which he sent back a scandalized look.

“I´m glad I caught you before you visited the head weaponsmith.”  
“Why?” Tony asked quietly, but received no answer except a light smile. “You´ll see.”

And he did see! The place was amazing, every engineer´s medieval wet dream. Tony just run from one table to the other, yelling questions and then more questions, asking to try things, engaging into various heated conversations while all the Avengers and Loki stood on the side throwing amused glances at him. He knew he went a little wild there, but at the end he walked away with a big grin and a list of potential future coworkers.  
“I knew it was a good idea when my brother suggested this stop,” Thor looked very pleased, maybe also because of how weaponsmiths reacted to Tony´s visit.  
The engineer found Loki´s eyes and smiled. 

“You are very charming. It is quite alarming how quickly you get people on your side. Should we worry you will take over Asgard?” Loki hushed the laugh coming out of Tony´s forcibly pursed lips.  
They just passed the shops with random people giving them presents, most of them to Tony, who had them wrapped around his pinky finger with not more than few words.  
“Not interested in ruling, honey, that´s too boring for me.”  
“Of course. What did I thought?”

They continued walking in slow peace. Loki kept talking to him and others didn´t pay much attention to how close they were next to each other, almost brushing their shoulders together. Sometimes Tony wished he could just take the god´s hand into his and smile at him with everything he felt for him, but usually he quickly dismissed the thought.

Shortly after they mapped the main street, Thor invited everyone for a lunch. Tony was sure they caused some heart attacks when they appeared unannounced in Thor´s favorite… well, restaurant of a sort, but they were all used to the attention.

“Are you still feeling sick?” Loki asked him when a nice smiling woman placed enormous plates under their noses and Tony sighed. Everything looked perfect, but he wasn´t sure about the state of his stomach after so much moving. He could somehow taste the breakfast back from the morning and that wasn´t a good sign.  
“I think I will be if I try this,” he whispered back, at the end deciding just for a cup of water.  
“You can taste the soup. It won´t hurt you.”  
“Yes, my brother is right, friend Tony.”

Their heads snapped Thor´s way. Neither of them expected anyone listening on their conversation.  
“I guess the yesterday´s mead was too much for everyone. The soup will make you feel all fresh and ready for the evening.”  
Tony turned to Loki first moment the conversation around got loud enough again.  
“Please, slap me, if I try to drink anything than a tea in the evening.”  
Loki´s pleased grin spread loosely on his face. “I will slap you in my chamber if you insist.”  
Tony chuckled. “Can´t resist such an offer.”

They spent the rest of the day in the company of few other Thor´s friends moving through various parts of the city until the sun started to move towards the other half of the sky gently implying that in few hours it won´t be visible anymore and they proceeded to their final destination. A temple of the sort. Very big, very beautiful and somehow according to Tony´s knowledge an amazing architectonic work. And that he could tell only from the outside.

“This is the temple dedicated to the old gods. One day when I will wed, it is going to be here. All main celebrations are held in this temple. It is very captivating, friends, you must see it. We are indeed very lucky, my father allowed us to go inside,” Thor started the speech. Tony watched the nervousness evaporate from him during the day, but now as the evening was approaching, it was back there no matter how hard Thor tried to hide it.

When they all moved towards the big golden gate at once, Tony followed with his own two steps until he realized Loki wasn´t following and he turned back with a frown.  
“Aren´t you coming?”

Something unreadable flashed through the god´s face, but then his expression cleared and he shook his head with a small distant smile. It seems that others heard them, because suddenly there was Thor´s thunderous voice explaining again, more softly then before. 

“The temple is a sacred place for celebrating all life in nine realms. Unfortunately, my brother can not enter with us.” He sounded upset.  
“But why?” Tony didn´t let go, because this wasn´t a real explanation. He regretted his prying a moment later when a long-buried pain flickered in Loki´s eyes and Thor stayed quiet. Perhaps it wasn´t his story to tell.  
“I mean…” Tony tried to wave his own question off, but Loki was faster, he spoke through him.  
“I can´t enter because it is prohibited for someone who tried to take his own life to do so.”

Tony froze on the place, taking a slow breath, eyes fixed on Loki the whole time. He knew that story. Everyone knew because Thor had told them almost a year ago. The team, although they were not best buds with Loki, accepted the answer immediately, nodding and turning again on the way, but Tony stayed still, clutching his hands into the fists and thinking.

He could pickpoint the exact moment when Loki understood why and that it wasn´t only for Loki´s sake alone. His eyes softened and his lips pursed into a line, whispering a quiet: “Anthony” and nothing more. He hoped that Loki could read him out. He hoped Loki knew what he wanted to ask.

Is it safe for me to enter when you know what you know now?

The god shook his head again. “You can not.”

For whatever reason it was. It didn´t matter. Tony wouldn´t risk it and he had a feeling that now Loki wouldn´t allow it either.  
“Tony, come on,” someone called out for him, probably cap. Tony turned their way, watching them stop in front of the entrance few meters away, waiting, expecting him to join. 

The thing was… he couldn´t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worth continuing? :) Let me know.
> 
> In the meantime check my other Frostiron story - [About Gods and Engineers](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13458549/chapters/30851856) you won´t regret! :)  
> And check out my [channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAvYEGsPHeUkLentO-jsufQ?sub_confirmation=1) with marvel edited videos!
> 
> PS: There were some misunderstandings about Bruce and Steve in this chapter. So I decided it will be for the best to explain it right here. 
> 
> Well, to explain it better: Bruce is not present for a certain reason which should be revealed in the next chapters. :) But what counts for Steve, his land in the ice could not be in any case considered to be a sucicide attempt. Suicide attempt is made with an intention to die, because (the important part) - of someone wanting to end his/her own life for whatever reason. When Steve landed in the ice, death was not his intention, it was only a secondary result (and certainly not something he wanted), which he had to cope with in order to save other people.
> 
> Even in real life you would never say that a person who saved someone and sacrifised his own life, commited suicide. That´s why I can´t consider Tony to attempt to commit suicide by flying the nuke.


	2. No longer free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki have an argument about keeping secrets which turns into something unexpected. :)

Tony stood tensed between Loki and his team, fully turned to neither of them, thinking quickly what to do and what to say. He tried to beat the rising panic in his chest.

“Come on, friend Tony,” Thor´s voice urged him on. His eyes found Loki´s again, pleading to help him.

“I think it will be wiser if Anthony here could accompany me to the library. I believe he would be more interested in the ancient books on crafts than in our architecture,” Loki uttered calmly after a moment of silence, his face however mirrored some of Tony´s distress.  
Thor frowned upon those words, but before he had a chance to open his mouth, Loki spoke again: “I wish not to remain alone here waiting for you. The company would suit me well.”

If Tony was in any other state of mind, he would have smirked and clapped. He loved how manipulative Loki could become when he wanted something and his current approach was clearly the best path towards Thor´s approval. 

“Uhm, yes, of course,” the Thunderer found his voice. There was something gentle and sad between the lines, left unspoken. “If Tony wish so.”  
But the said engineer was already at Loki´s side, forcing a smile on his lips. The speed of his movement spoke volumes.  
“Yes, actually, I would really want to see the library. We´ll wait for you.” 

Captain suddenly moved, stepping from one foot to the other and catching Tony´s gaze in the process. A one glance was enough to say that Tony was screwed. Steve had to figure out the true reason behind this act and he was looking at Tony in the very obvious almost intimidating way.  
“We will speak later then,” he said and nodded before turning to the temple, others following his example. 

Tony let out a sight. 

They waited patiently until Thor went in as well and then Tony turned on Loki who already started to walk away.  
“Hey, I… thank you… for that,” he said when he caught upon his long steps. He almost didn´t see the nod coming his way. 

They continued silently towards their destination. Tony buried in his own thoughts as well as Loki. The engineer hoped the atmosphere would change once they sit down at the nice wooden table surrounded by tons of books from every possible side, but he was clearly wrong. Beside Loki´s help with finding him something interesting to peek into, he didn´t receive any other form of acknowledgement from the god. And seeing him taking the seat opposite instead of the one at Tony´s side, was just a last straw.

“Okay, what´s wrong with you, spill it up,” he moaned hardly suppressing the frustration in his voice. “Are you by any chance mad at me?” he tried again, when he only managed to force Loki´s head to lift from his own book and look at him. “Because it wasn´t me who withheld an important, maybe life-threating information from anyone.” 

He tried not to sound accusingly, but the truth was if anyone had a reason to be mad it was him. He didn´t even want to know what would have happened if he had entered the damn temple.

“So what now? Are you giving me the silent treatment? For what? Because I did the same thing you did to yourself? Isn´t that a bit hippocratic?” Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tony knew he should have shut up and watch more closely for the signals explaining what Loki really thought, but he was just in no mood to do that. Snapping at him. Yeah, that he was able to do.

He hoped that they were at least truly alone in the big room as it had seemed so.

“I´m not angry with you, Anthony.” Loki´s voice was calm and collected just as his expression.  
“Bullshit,” Tony pushed some more. “I know you. We´ve been together for almost two years now.”  
When a spark of amusement appeared in the god´s eyes, Tony´s heart sunk in his chest. But the emotion was quickly replaced and left only a minefield of disturbing possibilities running through Tony´s head.  
Loki had to catch the change, because suddenly he placed his hands over the book, leaning a bit closer.

“I was surprised, saddened and yes, maybe a little bit angry… because you never told me yourself. And because my head replayed a whole different scenario where I didn´t meet you at all, you didn´t give me a chance.”  
Tony sighed.  
“This is the pot calling the kettle black, you know that, right?” He hoped the allspeak could translate the idiom.  
“Anthony…”  
“No,” Tony didn´t give him a space to interject, “you did the exactly same thing. You know that Thor told us, but you´ve never told me. Do you know how I felt when he explained how you let go? To fall into that endless darkness?” God, he was becoming more angry than was wise in the situation, but this was something he needed to get out of his system.  
“I didn´t want to hear that from him,” he continued, “hell, no one even knows how you got away from there. Do you know that every time I dream about New York and the wormhole I see you floating there dead, just right next to me as I suffocate?”

By the look on his face, Loki did not. And Tony had now a lot of work in catching up his breath. He didn´t realize he was nearly shouting at him. And… yes, he didn´t want to mention that last part.

The god´s eyes turned more gentle and Tony didn´t understand this reaction in slightest. He was expecting a fight. Damn it, he was probably inwardly preparing for one since he´d realized Loki was upset with him.

“I apologize. You are right. I should have told you.” Loki left him speechless for a moment with his words. “Just as you should have told me,” he added immediately and that was finally Loki speaking again. A light smile formed on god´s lips, a gesture perhaps offering a truce.  
“Yeah, you apologizing, I almost started to worry it´s the end of the world or something,” Tony murmured under his nose, but then started more firmly: “I guess, we all screw up big time in relationships and communication. Now when we acknowledged the problem…”  
“…What will we do with it?” Loki ended for him, with a small knowing smile.  
Tony smirked. “More communication, less screw ups?”

The god returned the smile, but his gaze stayed focused.  
“I know that this was not all,” Tony tried again, but this time he tried to control his voice. “When I looked at you back then in front of that temple and you understood, you were reminded I am a mortal an you are not, am I right?”  
He knew he hit the target, when Loki´s features sharpened and his eyes slid for a second away from Tony´s face.  
“Yes,” he admitted. “I was reminded many things today.”  
“Like what?”  
Loki visibly tensed. His lips pursed into straight line like it often did before he started to argue. “Like that I won´t be able to offer you many things that Thor can offer Jane.” Tony froze as well, not expecting this to be his answer.  
“Instead I can promise that if you ever decide to make our relationship public, you will have to endure the same treatment from people that I do every day.” Loki´s words were heavy with regret and anger. Tony valued each one of them because he could only imagine how hard it was to let them out.  
“I can offer you no kingdom. No crown. Not even a proper wedding ceremonial in the same temple as Thor if you would ever decide that you want to have that with me. All because of my past mistakes.”

Tony didn´t manage to say a single word for a long time. He was eyeing Loki with big, wide eyes complete brain shut down, unable to form a sentence, until his head cleared a bit. Loki thought about marrying him one day?  
“I… I haven´t thought you considered… ehm, having our relationship go… public,” he said in the end only half coherent, “like never…” He ran with his hands through his hair nervously. “I know I´m not the best candidate for that, I… fuck… I curse too much, I drink too much, I´m egoistic and rude and I constantly destroy things I love… I would probably start a war if you let me in the same room with someone important.” He wanted to continue. Hundreds of things coming to his mind. But something in Loki´s eyes stopped him.

“Anthony,” he called for Tony´s attention, “you are the most brilliant person I´ve ever met and I have lived for a long time.”  
Tony wanted to open his mouth and argue, but he didn´t get a chance.  
“And you are forgetting that I started a war too. I thought no one could ever understand me, but you did and you do.” Loki leaned in to touch Tony´s hand on the table, taking it and covering it with his long elegant fingers.  
“You are selfless. You do not destroy, you create. You are captivating, everyone can see it but you. How is that possible?”

Tony stared in those emerald eyes for a while and then tried to laugh it off as usual. “You don´t have to try so hard, you already got in my pants.”  
Loki snickered a bit, finally his serious expression dropped.  
“Yes, I did. And I know we hardly ever speak about this thing between us. You must know you are important to me,” he said gently and something warm spread in Tony´s chest sweeping him in the turbulence of emotions he was finally able to name and accept.

“I think I love you,” he blurted out suddenly, unable to stop himself. Their eyes fixed on each other. Tony felt like he wasn´t breathing at all until Loki´s lips slowly formed a smile. Not mischievous. This was the smile he had when he woke up next to Tony in the morning because Tony had touched his face and kissed his jaw. It was smile for Tony only.  
“That is perfect, because I think that too.”  
Tony grinned. Amused. Relieved. Happy. “You too think that I love you?”

Loki rolled his eyes. “No, you idiot.” But he had to know Tony was only messing with him, so instead of more words, Loki just leaned over the table and took a hold of Tony´s face to kiss him deeply or as deep as the table between them allowed.  
“Can we do this here?” Tony managed to ask between the lips and teeth and tongues meeting and fighting. The library must be open for a lot of people, right? But Loki didn´t respond to that, he only grabbed Tony´s shirt more firmly, dragging him from his chair across the table over the books and into his lap on the other side. There his hands could go erratic. Only after another moment they settled on Tony´s ass, cupping it and lifting so they could go even impossibly closer.  
Tony moaned back Loki´s name when the god sucked the sensitive skin on his neck, gasping for much needed air after he bit him few times making Tony´s head tilt to the side to make him space.  
“We… should go…” Tony tried to suggest, “somewhere, uhm… private.”

“Yes, you certainly should.”  
A non-familiar female voice startled them both and Tony immediately without looking who it was tore himself away from Loki´s lips thinking about jumping back to the table. Pretending that he was sitting there despite the fact he clearly wasn´t - was still a better plan than just to stay where he was previously, rubbing himself wildly against Loki.  
Fuck.  
However, the god reacted much faster than he did and with a shrieking sound he moved the chair together with both of them, so Tony could land on his two feet instead… thank you for that.

He was probably flushed, not so much from embarrassment than the heat radiating from their bodies melting into each other and when he glanced at Loki he was in the pretty much same state. His eyes dilated, hair a mess from Tony´s hands constantly running into it, he was… stunning.

The intruder cleared her throat pointedly. Tony flushed now for real, remembering the situation he was currently in and moved his eyes towards the woman he expected to be some sort of guardian scolding them in making out at a public place. Instead his chest became heavy and his mouth went open when he saw who was standing there with a firm, but gentle beautiful face.

“Mother,” Loki greeted the queen and bowed, but it sounded more like a curse to his ears, Tony followed the example at the same time snapping his mouth shut so he wouldn´t end up offering one of the real ones.  
“My son,” the queen replied steady without anger or disappointment and that was a hope Tony allowed himself to embrace. Did he cause Loki trouble? He wasn´t sure. It was hard to read her expression, but in one moment it became unexpectedly soft and when Tony realized the reason he ended up grimacing the same emotion.

Loki – probably unconsciously - moved as they were speaking closer to Tony´s side and more in front of him like he was possibly shielding him and that was so sweet that for a few second Tony didn´t manage nothing else just to stare at back of his head with a stupid smile on his lips.

“I didn´t mean to disturb you,” the queen seized their attention back, “but I guess Anthony´s suggestion from earlier is rather correct. We both know that the library is mostly empty at this time of the day, but you see…” finally an uncertain smile appeared on her as well, “you can not be sure.”

They haven´t been yet finally introduced, but she knew who Tony was, perhaps Thor or Loki talked about him before?  
He carefully stepped out from behind Loki, squeezing his shoulder lightly to let him know it was okay. He put a nice charming smile on his face and bowed once again in front of the queen, this time taking her hand, which she´d offered, to his lips.  
“Anthony of Midgard,” he introduced himself as he heard others do, “nice to meet you.”  
The queen looked pleased.  
“The pleasure is mine, Anthony,” she answered and bowed as well. Tony let go of her hand. He could feel Loki moving to the spot behind him.

The queen looked at both of them, her gaze was firm, but at the same time full of affection.  
“I believe we will see each other again and have a chance to speak tonight,” she addressed to Tony, then she turned her eyes to Loki, “perhaps I should inform allfather that you are no longer free to form a pair with a lady of his choosing?” 

The question was simple and innocent, but at the same time it met a wall they built around their relationship and crashed hard.  
If Loki said yes, it would mean Tony could perhaps attend with him, but everyone would know they were something going on between them. There clearly wasn´t a chance for them to go alone and he never thought about it until now. Maybe they wanted to force some lady upon him as well and he only didn´t catch the information yet.  
On the other side, if Loki said no, that would mean Tony would have to watch him all night walking around with some woman hanging on his arm. He started to feel sick only picturing it. Some of these thoughts had to mirror on his face, but Loki still turned to him for an answer and waited.

Despite everything they said earlier and all of the hiding and fear of rejection, he found the words simple to pronounce. Maybe because Loki seemed like he was ready to go 100% with any answer Tony would give him.

“Yes, he is no longer free.”  
The look he received back from the god was worth it. They maybe didn´t fully understand what that meant for them, but they will. In that moment all that mattered was that they made a step. Maybe a quick and stupid one, something they didn´t think through, but they did it anyway. He did it.

“Perfect,” the queen interrupted their starring contest more cheerfully than before, “I shall inform allfather. I should be on my way, excuse me, Anthony. Loki, I want to speak with you.”  
Okay. The bad feeling was back again.

Tony gave Loki an alarmed look.  
“Don´t worry. Find me later back in my quarters,” he whispered almost in his ear, making him shiver with the promise it brought. 

Tony was left alone in the library and he wanted to scream and laugh at the same time. At the end he did neither. He smiled on the forgotten books on the floor.  
“Typical… We are keeping everything secret for years and he blows the cover just because I say I love him.” He grinned at the memory and let the new sensation spread in his body.  
“We are fucked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, dear reader!
> 
> I was thinking that maybe I could make this story longer than just three chapters? What do you think? Let me know how you liked this one and if you think that 3 is enough. :P


	3. Scared and sure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some pretty serious decisions and some confessions are made. How will it all end up?

                                                          

 

Tony was bouncing on his feet in front of the library for half an hour both in full panic mode and absolute excitement while waiting for the cavalry to show up as they had agreed to. On top of that he was wearing the mother of all grins on his face managing to frighten several people trying to walk around him just by looking at them like a lunatic.

Fuck, they really had done it. Someone had found out! And not only someone, but Loki´s and Thor´s mother!  
Tony was sure his mind hadn´t had a chance to fully grasp the concept yet or otherwise he would be in a whole different state, probably bipolarly running from place to place like Rapunzel in that new movie version after she climbed down the tower for the first time.

Maybe another 10 minutes alone would do the trick, but Tony´s eyes detected a movement in the distance and he instantly knew he won´t get any extra time. At least he tried his best to erase those crazy emotions from his face and actually he put a normal ordinary smile on when he saw cap´s piercing eyes going straight through his head.

“So how was the temple?” Tony asked cheerfully when they stopped in front of him. Everyone gave him sort of an answer - whether it was an expression, thumbs up or a verbal reply - all of them very positive. Thor started automatically look for his brother and Tony swallowed the gulp in his throat when he remembered why Loki wasn´t there.  
“We met your mother in the library. Loki went to talk to her,” Tony explained quickly watching Thor nod.

The Thunderer looked even more out of place than before when Tony first called him on it. Yeah, the evening was mercilessly approaching. And now Tony could really sympathize with Thor or at least with Jane.

Oh, god, they were really going to attend together with Loki… What did they get themselves into?

Tony pushed the freaking-out thoughts to the corner of his mind, when Steve mimicked he wanted to talk to him just as he´d promised. Tony followed him without a protest to the nearby bench while others walked away like they were expecting this to happen. That only confirmed Tony´s silent worry that they knew as well. Whether Steve told them or they realized by themselves, it didn´t matter. It was out. And Tony had to make it look okay or otherwise… No, he didn´t want to think about the worst case scenario – the kickout of the team for being unstable would send him right down that endless spiral once again.

“Tony, I…” Steve started as they sat down and just like that Tony started to talk too, because if he was willingly doing this, at least he wanted to be in control.  
“Steve, listen…” Tony continued as soon as he saw that cap wasn´t going to speak over him, “it´s in the past. It´s over. I´m fine now. Very fine actually.” And if it had anything to do with Loki, Tony wasn´t going to acknowledge it right now. “Can we just leave it be?”

Steve was looking at him thoughtfully. He probably had his own plan how to approach Tony and now it needed to be readjusted.  
“Tony, I don´t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I know you don´t want to talk about this. We all have our ups and downs. I understand sometimes things might get overwhelming. I just…” he ran with his hands through the blond hair and Tony really pitied him because he clearly didn´t know how to say what was on his mind.  
“I just need to know that it didn´t happen while we were already a team,” he blurted out suddenly and looked into Tony´s eyes, “just tell me we weren´t that blind… that we didn´t see you were hurting so much you saw no other way to deal with it, not even to talk to us, to me…”

With the last word Tony realized why cap looked so miserable in the first place. The man blamed himself. It was such a ridiculous thought that Tony had to mentally restrain himself from smacking cap´s head and call him insane. It wasn´t his fault. How could he think that?

“Capsicle, you are not responsible for us outside of the missions so stop with that look now. Even if it was after we formed a team, it wasn´t your fault or anyone else´s that you didn´t realize something was wrong when I did everything possible so you wouldn´t.”

Steve took a long look at him and then his lips curved into a painful line.  
“It was after New York right?” His voice was small and defeated. Something Tony hated to hear in connection with Steve Rogers. It just felt wrong.  
“Don´t lie to me, Tony. I know you want to.”

The engineer smiled after the accusation.  
“You know me so well.”  
Cap´s lips curled in a little, an unsure smile too, but he said nothing more, patiently waiting for Tony to admit the truth when he was ready.

He better do it fast.

“It was after New York.”  
He heard cap taking in a ragged breath and Tony´s eyes were easily pinned to the ground by that very sound.  
“But it was an accident. I mean… Yeah, I was a bit out of my mind then. I couldn´t sleep. I couldn´t work. I was constantly tired. I did stupid things all the time…”  
“What happened?” cap asked softly to lead him back to the point.  
Tony sighed and lifted his gaze back to Steve´s face.

“I took some pills, mixed it with alcohol. I even reprogrammed Jarvis shortly before that so he wouldn´t be able to call help. But it was all just a moment of weakness. It wasn´t planned. Not like I was thinking about killing myself… It just happened.” Maybe calling it an accident wasn´t the best term, but it was the closest one for describing how Tony felt about it now. “I just wanted a moment of piece. I wanted to sleep.”  
It was that simple. No drama about death and life. It was like a pure madness taking over his body for few hours. He knew what he was doing, but at the same time it all felt like a one damn dream.

“Thank god it didn´t work,” Steve replied dryly.  
“Oh, it worked,” Tony corrected him, “but my bots…” he remembered Dummy literally crying over him in his own odd robotic way, poking him with his claw until Tony came back to his senses enough that he understood he was leaving people behind and his robotic kids and his work and he didn´t even say goodbye to Pepper or Rhodey. He got scared. And Jarvis pleaded with him so he would let him call someone. He allowed it just before he lost his consciousness, in a last possible minute and it gave him chills now when he remembered.

Steve patiently listened to him with wide eyes as he was probably imagining it all in full colors. What was worse he probably knew the avengers had been up on the common floor in that very moment. No one had known what was happening in the workshop, not even when Tony´s private doctor had come rushing in through the back entrance.  
“Tony, oh god, I´m so sorry,” Steve said and held his hand to stop Tony in trying to interrupt, “no listen, I… I´m sorry… I should have known something was happening. It´s my job. I´m the captain.”  
Tony didn´t attempt to tell him he was wrong. Not this time.  
“Just please, tell me the truth.” Steve´s blue eyes found his and held on. “Are you okay now?”

Tony nodded slowly.  
“Yes, cap, I am.”  
“Good,” he nodded as well after few seconds. He believed him.  
“If it changes… I mean anytime… Will you tell me? Us? Will you give us a chance to help you?”  
“It won´t happen again, cap,” Tony told him confident, “but yeah, I promise to tell you.” You. Only you. Tony hoped Steve could understand he couldn´t share this with anyone else from the team. It was too personal. Felt too much as a weakness he should hide.

Steve didn´t prod more. He seemed to be satisfied with what Tony offered and for a second Tony thought about Loki and everything what was happening. If they´ll do this tonight, his team will know. They would know he kept a secret from them for fucking years.

With his stomach turning he said his goodbye to cap and literally ran away to the safety of Loki´s quarters. He continued his pacing there, thinking and talking aloud to himself until the door cracked open and the god´s face appeared in the room. Loki stopped in his track, noticing how unsettled Tony was.  
“Well?” Tony asked.

Loki made few more steps and probably thought better than to get near Tony. Instead he went to sit down on the bed.  
“Father wasn´t happy about this sudden change, but he accepted… us,” Loki started carefully like he was talking to a wild animal. “But we have still time to think about it.”  
“Do you want to think about it?” Tony asked, suddenly feeling a bit hurt by those words.

Loki surprised him with a firm no coming from his lips.  
“I talked with mother. She helped me realize few things. I think it is a good idea to go together and let others know. However, we will do as you wish. I just merely want you to know we have still a second option.”  
Tony forced himself to stand still and he nodded, frowning.  
“Okay, I want to do that. I would die of jealousy if I saw you with anyone else,” he joked, but it came out flat.

Loki took a long look at him and stood up, moving elegantly forward. He placed his hands from both sides of Tony´s face, lifting his head to meet the god´s eyes.  
“It is not only about tonight. You know that.”

Tony knew and he was terrified of the possible consequences, but at the same time he felt like this was a right thing to do. He was tired of hiding. He didn´t want Loki to remain his little dirty secret forever.  
“We would tell them one day. Why not today?”  
“You know why,” Loki implied, “it would be too sudden, a shock.” He let his fingers caress Tony´s cheeks and the engineer almost moaned into his touch.  
“I´m Tony fucking Stark. Everyone expects shocking stuff with me,” Tony smiled, but he knew it had to look strained and unnatural on his face.

He wasn´t convincing enough for Loki to drop his concerned gaze.  
“We can do this when you´re ready.”  
“I am ready.”  
“Anthony…”  
Tony hushed him with his lips and his tongue and when they parted after neither of them had any air left, Tony smiled for real.  
“I´m ready. Yeah, I´m scared too because this is all new and unexpected, but it is all I wish for. I want to be able to hold your hand in public and kiss you whenever I please. I don´t want to sneak in and out of your room. I want this.”

Finally Loki´s lips formed a fabulous grin and he surprised Tony with a strong hug. Damn, for how long did he want them out of their shell?

“I know this is too fast, but we need to prepare you for the evening. I talked with Thor and he agreed we could do this together with him and Jane.” Tony swallowed the information that Thor already knew.  
“Sure thing, but first sex,” Tony said seriously and for a second Loki looked like he might burst out with laughter, but then he too sobered up and nodded.  
“First sex.”

OOO

Tony were fidgeting nervously on the chair in the large ball room next to Jane Foster and his eyes darted to the far corner where Loki and Thor were clearly arguing about something. The servants preparing stuff for the evening kept moving in big avoiding circles around the two gods and from time to time they threw a look on the mortals who just seemed and felt out of the place.

“What do you think is a problem?” Jane whispered in his ear and Tony chuckled.  
“You mean beside that I´m going to cause a public scandal in few hours?”  
Jane laughed shortly and her small hand landed on Tony´s shoulder.  
“Wouldn´t be the first time, Tony.”  
He looked at her and saw that Jane´s face changed immediately into something much softer. “I´m happy for you. I mean… I didn´t expect this. I think no one did. But I´m happy for you.”

Tony gave her a thankful smile. His team didn´t know yet and he could use some “Midgardian´s” support right now.

He turned his head back to approaching gods just in time to see Loki clear his face from any emotions which had occurred there while speaking to his brother. Tony sent him a supportive smile.  
“What´s up? You both look creepy when frowning.”  
Actually after his words Loki´s brows furrowed even more.

“There is… a thing,” he started carefully with a pause before he looked at Thor at his side and back at Tony.  
“What thing?”  
Now it was Thor who frowned at him, opening his mouth.  
“You must understand, friend Tony, that Asgard is not like Midgard. Our people are very traditional. It is unwise to break conventions, more so when we´ll have also guests from other realms…”

Tony decided to interrupt Thor´s explaining before the god would make himself look even more miserable for remaining Tony that his home was probably homophobic.

“Are you trying to tell me I can´t go with Loki tonight because I´m a man or because I´m from Midgard or both?” He heard Loki sucking air through his gritted teeth.  
“Neither Anthony,” Loki stated as a matter of fact, “mother allowed it, father knows about it, there is no place for a discussion.” That was more or less aimed to his brother´s face and Tony found Thor once more looking at him like a kicked puppy. This was probably serious.

“So what´s the problem here?”  
Thor cleared his throat and continued despite Loki sending deadly glares his way.  
“It is not acceptable for a prince to bring someone outside of Asgard as a date for such an official event. It would be highly frowned upon.”  
“Thor,” Jane said disapprovingly, “I am an outsider.”  
“Yes, but you are being introduced tonight to Asgardian´s society. You will gain a new status. That is the main reason behind this all.”

Tony tensed, his eyes went to Loki.  
“I understand,” he said simply, because what could he do? He wasn´t about to cause Loki more trouble than he already has.  
“No, Anthony, I do not care about any of this.”

Tony wanted to tell him that he did for both of them, but Thor didn´t give him a chance.  
“There is another way. I already talked to Loki about this, but he is adamant you won´t like the idea and that he doesn´t want to force you in this decision.”  
“Thor,” Loki whispered in a dangerous tone.  
“What is it?” Tony wanted to at least know.  
“You could be introduced tonight alongside with Jane.”

Tony froze on his spot for few seconds, turning the sentence in his mind in all possible directions until the meaning finally struck him.  
He found Loki´s eyes.  
“What does that mean? Is it like getting engaged?” It was a whole different level of craziness when he realized the thought didn´t freak him out. Not at all.  
“No,” Loki made few steps forward, but he didn´t attempt to touch Tony yet. “It is only an introduction as Thor said. It means that you will be considered my mate from now on. It has certain advantages.”  
“Like what?”

Loki was looking at him disbelievingly, like he expected Tony to dismiss the idea immediately.  
“Like for example you wouldn´t need a formal invitation from my father anymore to visit. You could come anytime you wish and Heimdall would listen to your call just like he would for any other Asgardian.”  
Tony wanted to whistle. That sounded great.  
“Go on.”  
“Also you would be invited for all main events on Asgard, and no one else would try to court you.” Tony liked the jealousy he heard in that one.  
“You will be under the protection of the royal family. Meaning that any threat against you would be a threat against Asgard.”  
“What is the most important,” Thor approached Jane and took her hands into his, smiling at her fondly, “if anything would ever happen to you, Loki would have the right to ask for Idunn´s apple for you or provide any healing necessary through medicine or sorcery.”

Apples. Tone heard about those.  
“Are we talking about the fancy fruit which gives a mortal like me a pretty damn good lifespan?” Now he knew exactly why Loki didn´t want to blurt that out on him right now, when everything was a mess. Those were hard and serious decisions. He had to think he would freak out Tony if he gave him these questions to think about.

“And you want this?” Tony asked, making sure.  
“Of course I do.” Loki reached him in one long stride and Tony stood up as well. “But I know this is all too fast, I don´t want to put more pressure on you.”  
Thor made a disagreeing sound in his throat.  
“You have a perfect chance now, brother. Our parents will agree because it is the best decision right now.” When none of them reacted, Thor continued with a provocative question: “What will you do if Tony hear gets gravely injured and you won´t be able to help him with your magic? In such a case you would receive an apple and you would save him.”

Loki replied frustrated. “If I didn´t receive it, I would simply steal it.”  
Tony chuckled. That was his man, ladies and gentlemen.

Tony had to think for a moment how it is possible that Thor counted with him to remain on Loki´s side to the point he would really need immortality or almost immortality. Not that Tony didn´t, but few hours back Thor had no idea they were even together. Did Loki tell him something? Did he know how serious it was between them? Or could others simply see it written over their faces as they were looking at each other…

“Can I speak with Loki for a moment?”  
Jane nodded first and she took Thor be his hand to lead him away and Tony maneuvered himself in front of Loki, still not touching.  
“I love you.”  
Loki´s head snapped his way, like if he wasn´t paying Tony his full attention, he was certainly doing it right now. It was weird how easily Tony could say those words and how deeply he meant it.  
“You know I´m reckless and I jump into things too quickly. You know that and that´s why you worry so much about this,” I pointed at everything in our surroundings. “But I´ve never been so certain in my life that I´m happy with someone and that I want to be part of this person´s life.”

Loki broke the distance between them, oblivious to the servants who started to look their way suspiciously. Tony shuddered when he felt Loki´s long fingers caress his face.  
“I want this. I want to be able to give call to Heimdall and sneak into your room with coke and those super spicy chips you like so much.”  
Loki´s lips spread into a grin. “I love you too, Anthony.” He spoke the words silently and slowly. “Very much.”  
Their lips connected on their own, pulled with some cosmic force like a magnet. And when they parted their arms encircled each other in a comfort giving embrace. In that moment Tony was sure he was doing the right thing. He had to be.

After few more seconds of enjoying the heat of their bodies, both of them turned to Thor and Jane who were shamelessly watching them from the distance with stupid smiles on their faces.  
“So here is the plan,” Tony started when the two of them joined him and Loki again, “I´ll go tell my team hoping I´ll get out of there alive and you two go to your parents and set everything up. Jane, you need to be my backup. No one will hurt me over you.” Jane snorted and moved to his side.

“After that we´ll meet here again and you´ll prepare us for what to do.” Tony eyed Loki. “And then I want to briefly speak to you some more.” He didn´t elaborate on that, but Loki agreed anyway. The four of them looked at each other in expectation.  
“Who is scared the most?” Tony asked with a small smile and Thor raised his hand.  
“That would be me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, dear readers!
> 
> Another chapter is here and you might have noticed that it is the 3rd one from 5. The number has been increased. But here I have another DEAL for you! I hope you´ve checked the video above (a big sorry for everyone who has seen it on my other stories), but if you haven´t, do it now, like, dislike, share, comment, check other vids on my [channel](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAvYEGsPHeUkLentO-jsufQ?sub_confirmation=1) and what is most important, please subscribe! I love editing, but I love it even more when there are actual people there to see my work. And by this point it´s very slow and agonizing process of self promoting and looking like an idiot while on it! 
> 
> NOW THE DEAL: if you do this and subscribe to the channel, I´ll increase the number of chapters even more - that means I´ll even go into the events of the movies like Civil war or maybe even Infinity war. :) Worth it? Go on then! Help me and this is your reward. 
> 
> A second deal is very simple. Write me a comment here and I´ll make the next chapter longer for you! :P
> 
> Thank you and big thanks and a lot of kisses to everyone who has supported me until now!


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